futile.

i just need life to slow down

i’d be okay, even if it doesn’t stop completely

just declare that it will slow down soon 

because it’s panic-inducing, the speed at which time currently flies by

so tell it to slow down, okay?

please?

thanatophobia (sort of)

Shaken up, yeah that’s pretty apt
I’m failing at attempting to adapt
Mindsets are hard, but you know what’s harder?
Having reactions to your death completely mapped
Am I lying, or do you finally see
that my thought processes will be the death of me?
please believe me, I don’t mean to be a pessimist
but isn’t preparation the whole key to the this?
This is me trying feebly to be prepared
To be the one unhurt, not the one who cared
Instinct is always hard to fight
But I can’t allow myself to be the one who dared
To love, to live
To only ever give
To expose myself wholeheartedly
To vulnerability
To ever ever be the one
Who left no good deed undone
Because I am so incredibly afraid
of being the one who waited
instead of giving their all.

Shaken up? Yeah, that’s pretty spot on,
but isn’t it better than mourning the long-gone?

short & stressed (just like me)

my stomach is in knots, you see

tangled up hopelessly

do this, no, try that, but i

always just wanted to get by

old beyond me years

too often ends in tears

and i cannot help wondering

is there a ‘me’ that’s not blundering?

and i cannot help wishing

that i was never me.

the drenched anomaly

and time after time i walk the line of no return
and time after time i wonder what it’s like to watch the whole world burn
and rhyme after rhyme you’re by my side
and i can never comprehend how you’ve not learned
that much too often, people like me lie

i can only complain that you are not here with me
when did you come to mean so much?
i can only wonder at you and how you care so naively
when did you become such a crutch of mine?
and how do i know? how do i know
that you care so out of proportion
how do i know? how do i know?
well, you were always honest

and thought after thought i wonder how it will end
and thought after thought i wish i didn’t need friends
and rhyme after rhyme you save me from drowning
and i cannot comprehend the love with which
you defend the people like me, the people like me

i can only mutter under my breath in your absense
did you think that i wouldn’t notice? (notice?)
did you
think
that i would not
care?

i am DRENCHED in SPEED
DROWNING IN THE MOMENTUM
can YOU hear ME? can YOU hear ME?
i am DROWNING IN THE MOMENTUM
or are you deaf like i am
you are not alone

i can only SCREAM when you put up with me more than i deserve
i can only SCREAM when there is nothing left to burn
i can only SCREAM
i
CAN ONLY SCREAM

Hickory.

anxious, shmanxious
you got this, they say
they don’t realize how my insides decay
from the moment i woke up there was no rest
for the weary

anxious, shmanxious, of course i won’t diss
you
for something more interesting
guess someone’s not listening
leave me alone
because i can’t take this

i can’t even breathe right
it hurts too much to try
wound up awfully tight
trying not to cry
can’t ever see the light
oh, i know you, hi
stay or go, flee or fight
and so here i lie
can’t eat, can’t drink, though thank you very much
vee and dee, there they be, a barely sufficient crutch
take a breath, this isn’t death, they remind me
oh look, now she’s with me
anxious, shmanxious, describes us both perfectly
we’ll do fine, we’ll do okay we chant
while things we do and things we say are impossible to recant
they’re watching us, i can’t breath again
please help this asphyxiation
that is me