friendship is such a mild term now. it connotes flowers and matching bracelets and dancing in heavy summer downpours. this could be called the amended version of that, the version that no one else maybe including us could ever hope to comprehend.
i dread the times when you are gone. now, i do not mean the times when you are not physically with me. even when you are not present, i see you in a hand gesture, or a favorite ice cream flavor, or the girl down the street that reacts to tickles similarly to you. i see you in what the stars could be, gazed upon from a place where nothing stains the atmosphere except thousands of little twinkling lights. united we stand, divided we fall. nothing has been more true.
no, i mean the times when you are not present and accounted for. i mean the times that nothing around me gives the slightest hint that you exist. i mean the times when everythingeverythingeverything is unfamiliar and uncomfortable and untried and unbeloved. those times when i sit by myself in the far corner of my room and cry for the times that i have taken you for granted.
it’s so incredibly easy to watch a ‘now’ become ‘then’.
and i do not mind telling you that that scares me to death. because i cannot imagine life without you anymore and what are we without life? that thing that you call sad, that thing that i call beautiful. that thing that the majority of the world tries to prevent. it is inevitable, but there are so many better ways of going about things than stripping you from me. as i need my brain to function, so do i need you.
i hope to dear heaven you know that.