the meaning of this is blank

and as much as my aching fingertips
itch to bleed thoughts into my lips
the urgency to slit them
to be able to say that I lit them
on /fire/ to find feeling–
the urgency is too much to bear.

i feel too much but there are no words
to express what i need heard
and the accusatory weeping
this water sliding down my face
in place of words translated to page
this water is too much to bear.

bile piles high in my throat
oh wait, no, that’s my attempt to emote
what do i even do anymore
if time was an emotion, it’s not something
that i would ever comprehend
this time i’m not strong enough
and you can find proof in everything.

my head’s always clearer when i’m at home
no fog exists inside this dome
i emote so easily because it’s all a show
slowly becoming reality.

(of course my house is not my home.
whatever gave you that notion?)