bleak

have you ever gone through an hour, or maybe a day, or a week, where it felt like you were living out a video? everything is a hollow allegory for something held dear. time is fluid, you are fluid. you survive, but you do not live.
echoes of ‘real’ life? well, this is real life. this is the reality you face every day. it’s like you’re living in a dream except that you can read the license plate of the car in front of you as you drive to work, or school, or just back home. you feel each meaningless breath rack your body, but you don’t breathe. ‘going through the motions’ is a way of life now. ‘fine’ is a perpetual state of being.
and what’s better, this, or emotion that sucks away the things you see but don’t focus on, the things you hear but don’t register? always ringing in your ears, or maybe a buzzing – it distracts you, until you’re not paying attention and someone else pays the cost.

have you ever experienced this?
i ask, because i can no longer breathe.

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on the fairness of the world.

Whoever said that this world is pretty? who says that it’s beautiful?
the misinformed, the misinclined, the misunderstood
so in a word?
us.

the echoes of the past are recorded in sounds and lines
the evil and the good exist in morals defined
the man wails after his love and pines
“nothing in this world is fair.”

the world is stranger than fiction, they say
corpses live while corpses decay
corpses love and others betray
“nothing in this world is fair.”

a world in hues differing so right
so colorful are the fluorescent lights
that dazzle eyes and shine so bright, but
“nothing in this world is fair.”

diversity, and not just in skin–
in what lies without and what lies within!
chaotic silence and melodious din!
but, “nothing in this world is fair.”

the beauty of lessons learned
of hard-fought-for rewards earned
of healthy and unhealthy bridges burned
“nothing in this world is fair.”

(but the world would be boring otherwise.)

lonely heart’s protector

[a/n: it is much too late to think clearly & i love it.]

there’s a skeleton in my closet
and it haunts me in broad daylight
forget ghosts, forget everything you’ve ever known
my skeleton’s too much of a sight
to ignore
and forget ghosts, forget everything you’ve ever known
forget love and you will have a much easier time
of avoiding the seeds sown
involuntarily
and so contrarily
i don’t think i’ve ever been this cared for
and sometimes i do miss
my old life, lack of bliss
i don’t think i’ve ever been this scared before
and i can see what’s right in front of me
but my skeleton lives inside of me
and that makes all the difference on the outside
i can see what’s right behind me
but i’ve never had a skeleton to protect me
and i don’t think i’ve ever been this scared before
nightmares don’t scare me
people don’t ensnare me
my skeleton is my only companion now

all a dream

look for the girl with the false cheer
ask her what she’s doing here
when she doesn’t think she belongs

you spot her, you ask her why
ask her why she doesn’t cry
and she won’t answer
she won’t answer

and sometimes
you have to raid privacy
the trick is knowing when to see
and when to leave alone

and sometimes
you can’t bear to see her
unhappy just like you were
she shouldn’t be alone
she shouldn’t be alone

now you’ve found the girl who disappeared without a trace
you’ve watched her feel belonging in her own little place
but it was all a dream
it was all
a
dream

look for the girl with the tired smile
ask her to stay for a while
and she won’t be alone
not anymore